Right now, all around the world, there are hundreds of thousands of people sitting in some type of meeting.  One-on-one meetings.  Small group meetings.  Huge departmental meetings.  And more than likely, there are thousands of people behaving badly in these meetings.  Look, a lot of the meetings we attend are huge time-wasters.  I get it.  There’s a reason why TV shows like “The Office” and comic strips like “Dilbert” lampoon office meeting life.  Unfortunately, there can be real consequences when we exhibit bad meeting-killing behaviors.  There are poor first impressions and reputations that can be affected.  Also, you never know who’s sitting in the meeting…

I had a good reminder of this recently.  At the start of a meeting, one of the attendees rolled in and immediately started scrolling through his iPhone.  OK, he’s a busy guy, I get it.  But when he started picking at his fingernails, I was completely distracted.  Now, every time I see him, I’m going to think of dirty fingernails…see how this works?

So what are some bad behaviors?  Check yourself for the following the next time you attend a meeting (which probably will be soon):

Being Condescending: My poor co-worker.  I remember sitting in a conference call one time when we were listening to a higher-up go on and on with the latest non-sensical MBA buzz words ending with “-gize” (like synerGIZE and strateGIZE).  My co-worker asked the higher-up what a certain word meant.  After about a minute of silence, she came back (with an irritated and condescending tone) and said, “Are you serious?”  She should have just said, “I’m wasting my time with you two idiots.”  You might be the smartest guy (or woman) in the room…but people will hate you for coming off like you know you are.

Poor Body Language: Interview and interrogation experts say that more than 90% of our cues are non-verbal.  In other words, actions speak louder than words.  The executive who leans back in his chair with his hands behind his head (I’m the big dog).  Or how about that anti-social co-worker who sits with her arms and legs crossed (leave me alone). In the same way, when you rest your head on your hand or slouch in your chair (like being in your least favorite high school class), this screams, “I hate this meeting and can’t wait to get out!”

Going Off-Topic: This one drives me crazy.  The meeting is already taking up a lot of time. The off-topic co-worker makes this even worse by taking you on a verbal journey.  A simple question like, “What do you think about the company’s new initiative?” is an invitation for the off-topic co-worker to bring out their inner Lincoln.  The response will begin with a monologue and continue for the next 15-20 minutes…unless someone jumps in and cuts him/her off (PLEASE!).

Smart Phone-Scrolling: Sadly, this is so commonplace now I think it’s becoming an accepted practice.  I feel for the meeting planner (or speaker) when meeting members have their heads down and are scrolling through their phone.  Is it really that important that it can’t wait until the meeting is over?  Nothing screams “You are not important!” more than putting your head down and ordering movie tickets from Fandango. (Are you really checking your e-mail?)

Sleeping: The classic meeting-killer.  Admittedly, I’ve done it. (In my defense, the one embarrassing time I really fell asleep, I had taken Benadryl for my allergies.  For me, I might as well have taken sleeping pills.)  If you have to, step out of the room before you start snoring (I’ve heard snoring on a conference call before) and avoid the huge pasta lunch before your 1 PM meeting.  The best (or worst) ever?  During one of our CEO speeches, a guy in the front row fell asleep.  After the speech, the CEO immediately went to the back of the room and asked, “Who is that guy?”  I never saw the guy again.  Not to say the guy got fired, but you can be sure that his manager and his manager’s manager heard from the CEO (and everyone else in that room).

Bad or Inappropriate Jokes: I have to admit, this one I actually have to laugh at (as long as I’m not the one telling the bad or inappropriate joke).  If you ever watch “The Office,” this is Todd Packer.  No filters and no sense of what’s bad or inappropriate.  I worked with guys like this.  At the time it’s painfully embarrassing and awkward.  At worst, these incidents become like company urban legend and you’re forever known as the “Remember that one meeting…” employee.  Don’t be a company urban legend.

What are some memorable meeting-killing behaviors that you’ve seen?

Post your comments below.

When I hear the word “mentor,” I immediately think of Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi, Richie Cunningham and The Fonz, or Daniel-San and Mr. Miyagi – older, more experienced individuals teaching young whippersnappers the way of life.  I also think of how many individuals and businesses set up formal mentoring relationships.  Meet at such and such a time for coffee or lunch.  Discuss topics for a half hour.  Obtain assignment to read a book or answer personal development questions.    Rinse and repeat.

A mentor is defined as “a wise and trusted counselor or teacher” and “an influential senior sponsor or supporter.”  But sometimes, informally, you become the unsaid or unwritten mentor; the person who people turn to for guidance, advice, or answers.  This usually happens by default.  You’re the most experienced person in the department or you’ve been with the company the longest.  Being an informal mentor is a good thing.  It means that people like, respect, and trust you enough to look to you for direction and assistance.

With newer and less experienced individuals coming in and out of our department, I’ve found myself playing the role of informal mentor.  Inevitably (or maybe right now), you might be in this position as well.  Here are five things to keep in mind as you dispense your sage advice:

Give Freely: I’ve worked with individuals who were conspiracy theorists or were always thinking there’s an “angle.”  Why is this person coming to me for advice?  Why are they asking me how to do something?  Do they want my job?  Are they trying to make me look bad?  STOP.  There’s not always an ulterior motive to people’s behavior.  Maybe someone is coming to you for help…because they need your help.  Giving unselfishly of yourself builds trust, strengthens team bonds, and adds to your reputation as the go-to guy (translation: valuable to the company).  There’s also the karma aspect of giving.  What goes around usually comes back around.  Like Zig Ziglar says, “You can have anything you want if you just help others get what they want.”

Show Them Landmines and Shortcuts: At the heart of mentoring is wisdom.  In other words, the value of saving someone time, pain, effort, or embarrassment by sharing what you’ve experienced or what you know.  My last manager was a company history book.  He was known for spinning great company stories.  A lot of people kind of just blew these stories off as reminiscing about the past or unfocused detours (which they could be at times – especially when there was an agenda to get to).  However, these stories had great pieces of advice on how to navigate the company.  In the same way (maybe without the 15 -minute story attached, although there’s a time and place for that, too), light the path for the person you’re trying to help.  Show them how to do something properly, who or what to avoid, who to seek out, or how to be more efficient.

Be Honest: If you can’t be honest, then the mentoring doesn’t work.  Like any good relationship, the foundation is built on trust.  Trust is gained through honesty.  Now, there’s honest and brutally honest.  Depending on how you operate and whom you’re helping, this is something you’ll have to gauge for yourself.  Some people aren’t built mentally to withstand a no-holds-barred assessment: “Who taught you how to write?  Did your thirteen-year-old daughter write this?”  Others have no patience for sugar-coating.  My informal mentor would take a red pen to my reports so much I thought someone had bled on the paper.  We eventually just referred to it as “red-penning” a report.  At first I was both irritated and embarrassed.  He could have easily just done a few edits here and there.  Instead, he basically firebombed the entire report.  Looking back several years later, it was the best thing he could have done for me – giving honest feedback.

Allow for wins and losses: In other words, let them learn.  You’re all adults so I’m not going to use the parent-child analogy.  But when mentoring someone, let him or her do the job.  A lot of times we want to stay in control.  Maybe because we don’t want to look bad, there are time constraints, or we don’t want to see others screw up; but failure is part of the learning process.  I would have never learned to write a good report if I didn’t get red-penned.  On the flip side, let them experience victory as well.  Nothing builds a person’s confidence more than being successful at something they’ve never done before; running a meeting, making a big presentation, or completing a well-received report.

Give Yourself Props: For those who don’t like to pat themselves on the back or give themselves credit, it’s OK to do this once in a while.  By unselfishly giving of your time and experience, you’re: 1) helping someone get better; 2) improving the company; and 3) strengthening your team.  It’s also an indication of your value to the company and all of the years of hard work, learning, and experience you bring on a daily basis.  You may not be The Fonz or Yoda yet, but it’s something to be proud of today.

How do you mentor others?

“I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and stare at it for hours.”

– Oscar Wilde

Have you ever seen a co-worker fly off the handle or lose it at work?  I once saw two of my male co-workers get into a cubicle shoving match.  After one particularly contentious meeting, another co-worker went straight to his desk and overturned a big stack of binders, flinging them in the air.  Another co-worker, in the middle of a meeting, slammed his hand on the conference table screaming, “That’s why this company is so screwed up!”

These incidents came to mind after seeing the following Good Morning America clip.  I had to laugh at 0:23 because every day at work, the copier makes this distinct beeping sound signaling that it’s out of order.  These short beeps are followed by the usual sound of metal slamming, which means either one of two things – someone slamming the copier door or kicking it.  I can’t tell.

As amusing as some of this grainy footage can be, which looks like something straight out of “The Office” or “Office Space,” workplace stress is real.  Tight economy + workforce reductions = more work for the remaining staff.  Violent confrontations, which were rarely seen ten years ago, are a common occurrence nowadays.  It seems like every week you read, see or hear about some employee who completely loses it and tragically kills one or several of his co-workers.

So can you tell if you’re losing it?  Here are five definite red flags:

Your fuse is growing increasingly short: I’m not talking about the “I’m hungry” kind of irritation but the everyday “everything is making me angry” kind of short fuse.  Things that usually wouldn’t even register on your stress meter (like a meeting that runs late) is now causing your face to turn different shades of red.  Computer problems that used to be minor inconveniences now want to make you slam your keyboard into your monitor (like in the GMA video).

You’re getting sick all of the time: You never had to see the doctor or pop over-the-counter medication.  Now you’re having debilitating headaches and stomach pains you can’t explain.  You have little to no energy.  You have massive pain in your neck, shoulders and lower back.  It feels like your entire body is rebelling against you.

You’re withdrawing: At work, you want to hide in your cubicle and avoid interacting with others.  After work, you want to go straight home and crawl into bed.  You avoid any kind of lengthy interaction.  You have no desire or motivation to do anything.  Activities you used to look forward to now seem like more work.

Your thoughts are turning violent: This is one of the key red flags that security experts tell you to look for: individuals who talk about violence.  For me, a bad day simply means being in a bad mood…but it’s temporary.  I can usually find something to laugh about or a co-worker usually steps in with something funny.  But when you start thinking about physically harming others, that isn’t normal.

Indifference: Everything is ho-hum.  Your one-time go-getter attitude has turned into, “I’ll get to it when I get to it.”  Assignments that used to excite you now give you nausea. Deadlines and people counting on you to do their job now mean nothing.  In other words, you just don’t care.

We all have our good and bad days at work.  We’re all going to experience one or more of the above symptoms on any given day.  There are times when I drive home thinking I need to find another job.  Other times, I have this huge smile on my face from a day’s work. However, if you find yourself experiencing all of these symptoms on a day-to-day, consistent basis, it might be time to seek some help – or find another job.  Life is too short to be driven crazy by your job.  Take action now before you end up on one of these grainy You Tube workplace videos.

When was the last time you “lost it” at work?

“It is both delusional and stupid to think that clothes don’t really matter and we should all wear whatever we want. Most people don’t take clothing seriously enough, but whether we should or not, clothes do talk to us and we make decisions based on people’s appearances.”

– G. Bruce Boyer

For work, a few weeks ago, I threw on a pair of black Banana Republic loafers.  I hadn’t worn these loafers in a while so I thought I’d switch my shoes up.  I didn’t think anything of them until my co-workers started cracking on them:

“My Mom has a pair just like those…”

I can give (and take) a good ribbing.  I like it.  Although I’ll probably never wear those shoes to work again.

I am definitely no fashionista when it comes to work clothes.  I generally wear the standard corporate casual uniform of slacks/khakis, nice shirt and black dress shoes.  If I’m feeling really GQ, I’ll mix in a sweater or colorful patterned shirt.  The loafer jokes made me think though.  We used to be the stereotypical “stuffed shirt and tie” insurance company. However, since we moved to “business casual” about ten years ago, I have definitely seen some crazy gear at work.  From assorted liquor bottle Hawaiian shirts to football jerseys, people have definitely taken advantage of the “casual” in business casual.

You don’t have to be Bradley Cooper or Daniel Craig on the cover of GQ; but like it or not, your work fashion matters. Not only are your peers and higher-ups judging you (consciously or unconsciously), but what you throw on for work affects how people perceive and think about you.  I’m also in the camp of “what you wear affects how you feel.”  There’s just something about being nicely dressed that boosts your confidence.  So the next time you drag yourself out of bed and sleepily head to the closet to grab your clothes for the day, keep the following seven things in mind:

OK, so maybe they do look a little like house slippers…but your Mom’s shoes?

Wrinkled/Rumpled: There are actually some guys who are really good at ironing (I’m not one of them).  The next time you’re in a meeting, look around the room and see who looks like they just crawled out of a suitcase.  It’s actually kind of distracting – like the wavy lines on your old-school tube TV when the picture wasn’t coming in.  Nothing screams “I just grabbed this shirt out of the laundry hamper” like an un-ironed shirt.  I know you’re tired, but maybe spend a few minutes the night before or on the weekend and iron your shirts (and pants).

Cross Trainers/Running/Rubber Shoes: New Balance shoes at work?  Seriously?  How about the rounded rubber walking-type shoe?  Shoes are actually one of the first things people notice when it comes to your work gear.  Nice, clean looking professional shoes say “I care.”  Leave your Nike cross-trainers and walking shoes for the gym or your family day at the park (no matter how dark or “clean-looking” they are).

Too Big: If you lost weight and leaned out, congratulations.  Reward yourself (and show off) with some nice, athletic-cut business gear.  The big gear actually makes you look sloppy.  When you tuck your shirt in, the sides flap all over.  Your pants sag.  Think Tom Hanks in “Big.”

Too Tight: If I had to choose, I think I’d go too big.  Too tight (especially if you’re carrying a little – or a lot – of extra weight) is not a good look.  The hangover (not the movie) above your belt and sides is not flattering.  And why would you want your clothes too tight anyway?  Isn’t that a little uncomfortable – especially after a big lunch?

Dress Your Age: I had a friend rock some Sean John gear a few years back on a night out. There was something just not right about his age and the Diddy-designed shirt he was wearing.  I’m a big fan of hip-hop, but that doesn’t mean I want to look (or dress) like 50, Diddy or Nelly.  And I shouldn’t.  This also goes for anything with dragons, skulls, oversized old English lettering or bikini-clad women on the front.

Everyday Work Logo Day: Unless you work for UPS or deliver Domino’s Pizza, you should limit the number of times per week you wear work-adorned logo clothing. There’s always that one guy who has every type of work-logo shirt: polo, white dress shirt and even the yee-haw country denim shirt.  This does not make you look like Mr. Company Man.  It makes you look like you’re either too lazy to wear anything else (hence the work shirt rotation) or you don’t want to spend money on buying any work clothes.

Outdated: Your Z. Cavaricci pants…unless I’m mistaken, that style hasn’t come back around (yet).  Same with those 50’s-style bowling shirts with the big vertical stripes.  When you look at your clothes and say, “I remember I bought these on our trip to Napa…eight years ago,” it’s probably time to spend a little money on some new gear.  Same if you catch an old movie on TV and say, “Man, I have a shirt just like that…and I’m wearing it to work tomorrow.”

I’m not saying you should go out and blow a load of cash on a whole new work wardrobe (although that might not be a bad idea).  But maybe it’s time we hit the reset button on what business casual should actually look like.  Take some time this weekend and assess what your work wardrobe looks like.  Read a few fashion dos and don’ts.  Talk to your sharp-looking co-worker.  Go out and get some new shoes, pants, or shirts.  Pretty soon people will be saying, “Now that’s what business casual looks like!”

What kind of clothes do you wear to work?

 

I was sitting in a meeting in one of our conference rooms a few months ago when I noticed a co-worker standing at the door.  She was peering into the room, kind of looking like Michael Myers in Halloween.  Assuming that she had the meeting room booked, we got up (two other guys and myself) and proceeded out.  In passing, she stopped me, looked at the papers in my hand and asked, “Did you take anything off of the printer?”  She was white as a ghost at this point.  I shuffled through my papers but didn’t see anything that didn’t belong to me.  We went into another conference room and as I was going through my papers again, I saw that I actually did have something of hers.  Her resumé.  Embarrassed that I didn’t find it to begin with, I ran back to the meeting room where it looked like she was preparing for a phone interview.  I sheepishly gave her back the resumé with a heartfelt, “My bad.”  Man, if looks could kill.

We’ve all had (or seen) embarrassing moments at work.  I’m not talking about things that get people hurt or fired, but situations where you look back (maybe even cringe) and think, “Damn, that was funny.”

About three years ago, I was part of this e-mail chain talking about a female co-worker who was in the hospital with a life-threatening illness.  Sadly, she passed away shortly after being admitted.  Unfortunately, like so many of us do with e-mail, one of the guys failed to read the entire message.  He must have stopped at “admitted to the hospital” because his “Reply All” message stated that he could stop by the mall and pick up flowers and a card for us to sign.  He added that he couldn’t “wait for her to get well and return to work.”  Ouch.  And let this be a lesson to those who hit “Reply All” when you send e-mail.

My most embarrassing moment at work happened when I first started with the company almost 18 years ago.  I was very much into health and fitness.  That day I brought rice and orange roughy, leftovers from the night before.  Keep in mind I was in my early 20’s and had no clue about lunchroom etiquette: Thou Shalt Not Heat Fish In The Microwave.  I placed my tupperware in the microwave and put it on high for three minutes.  About a minute later, my manager comes running into the break room and yells: “OK, who microwaved the fish?”  Immediately, I knew something was wrong.  My manager told me that the break room air ducts dumped into the office.  Sure enough, when we walked through the office, it smelled a little like Chinatown.  He had to walk around to individual desks and apologize to customers about the smell.  In the corner of my eye, I could see some of my co-workers pointing and laughing.  That was the last time I ever heated fish at work.

This is probably why we love TV shows like “The Office” and movies like “Office Space.” We can all relate to embarrassing moments and co-workers who are a little (or a lot) off. And even if we can’t admit it, maybe some of these characters remind us of ourselves.

What was your most embarrassing work moment?