Category Archives: Life

Finding Your Blind Spots

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“Listen, here’s the thing.  If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.”

-Mike McDermott (“Rounders”)

A few days ago a couple of guys from my brazillian jiu-jitsu class were giving me a hard time about my push-ups.  I was thinking to myself, “What?  But I’m Mister Love Fitness.”  I’ve been working out regularly for two-thirds of my life.  The push-up is the most basic, prove-your-manliness exercise there is.  It’s one of the first movements you learn in PE.  What do you mean I’m not doing them correctly?  So I went ahead and did one.  And damn it, sure enough it was not a full push-up (to the amusement of my academy mates).

My point is not about exercise or doing push-ups.  But it got me thinking about how many things we think we’re doing well in our lives when in reality we’re not doing them as well as we think we are.

In other words, where are our blind spots?

I remember reading a great saying.  “Look around the room.  Who is the only person you don’t see?”  YOU!

When I was big into bodybuilding, I would stuff my face with food, telling myself I needed the calories to move big weights and get bigger.  Blind Spot: I was getting fat.  In terms of cardiovascular health, I could barely make it up two flights of stairs without sucking wind.

When I started my first real job, I used my brand new credit card to buy new clothes, nice dinners and whatever toys I wanted.  I told myself I was a big boy now with a big boy job.  I could afford to do these things.  Blind Spot: I was an entry-level newbie with no savings.  Using my credit card was like digging a debt hole that took me a few years to get out of (thankfully, this is one blind spot I identified early).

I’m working these long hours and weekends to be the office superstar.  Blind Spot: Your wife and kids are having a hard time remembering your name.

Blind spots are dangerous because we’re not aware of them.  It’s a good idea to stop occasionally and assess where you’re at in the major areas of your life.  Try the following:

Get Feedback: Find someone who will be honest with you (guys can be brutally honest).  There might be areas in your life where you have a feeling that something is not working. Ask.  Ask your manager or supervisor about your work performance.  Ask your spouse about your marriage.  Call your 401K company and ask about your investments.  The first step in identifying your blind spots is to go to others who are looking from the outside.

Ask Good Questions:  Author Simon Sinek writes in “Start With Why” that the most successful organizations and individuals ask good questions.  Constantly asking why helps us cut through all of the garbage to get to the truth.   So even if you don’t think you have blind spots, start asking questions in all areas of your life: personal, professional, spiritual, financial and financial.  Why do you do the things you do?  The answers might surprise you.

Take Action: Like knowledge, it doesn’t matter how much you have.  Without action, there’s no growth.  I’m not saying make wholesale changes (although you might be motivated to do so).  I’m a big believer in small, incremental change.  Day by day.  Don’t eat dessert.  Take a short walk at lunch.  Pick up a book.  Have that conversation you’ve been dreading with your co-worker/spouse/friend.  Start with one thing.  In fact, I’ll be working on my push-up form today!

What are some of your blind spots?

The Art of Un-Manliness (Appreciating Your Gifts and Talents)

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“Do not fall prey to the false belief that mastery and domination are synonymous with manliness.”

– Kent Nerburn

I volunteered to help out at my daughter’s musical production of “The Wizard of Oz” a few weekends ago.  When I walked into the workshop, I already knew I was in trouble.  The place looked like something out of This Old House.  Wood, nails, and power tools were on the floor.  Guys with tool belts, safety goggles, and tape measures were walking around pounding and sawing.  Let me be perfectly clear – this is not my element.  I have trouble putting together Ikea furniture.  When there’s a problem with the sink or when the power goes out…I call my wife.  In short, I am no handyman.

The head builder/volunteer/foreman must have assumed that I had some kind of skill because he started asking me to grab a 3/8th something or other and cut a 45-degree blah-blah using an electric thingamajig.  When he told me to pick up a power saw and start cutting, I had to come clean about not understanding a word he was saying.  I envisioned cutting off my hand and spewing blood all over the Emerald City.  I asked if I could just paint or nail something.  All at one time I felt embarassed and un-manly.

Whenever I read a men’s magazine, a list of “Things a Man Should Know” inevitibly shows up.  It usually includes things like:

Fix a flat tire
Cook a perfect steak
Teach their kid to ride a bike

Have basic construction/handyman skills

We’ve all envied other people for possessing skills that we lack.  Sometimes I wish I could easily build or fix things around the house, be more comfortable in social situations, or know how to build a slick-looking Excel spreadsheet.  When I was younger, my lack of certain skills bothered me, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to appreciate the skills and gifts I do possess.  So the next time you feel un-manly or envious of someone else, keep these things in mind:

Accept that everyone has their own unique gifts and talents: We were created to be unique individuals, each with our own strengths (and weaknesses).  Everyone has something to offer – including you – even if you don’t think so.

Use what you have:  OK, so I couldn’t saw wood using a table saw.  So what?  I could still paint, hammer and drill.  I wasn’t completely useless.  Find what you can do and do that.  Every little bit helps.

Acknowledge and appreciate your gifts: Never take your skills for granted, and more than that, don’t belittle them.  I appreciate the things I can do well, knowing they’ve gotten me to where I am today.  You may not be able to create a spreadsheet, but people come to you when they need a report edited or something written.  You aren’t the best athlete, but other athletes come to you for advice on nutrition or exercise regimen.  Love your gifts and maximize them.

Learn it: Just because you’re weak at something doesn’t mean you can’t get better at it.  With the internet, “how to” do anything is pretty much at your fingertips.  Go to the library, have a friend teach you, loiter at your local bookstore.  If I really wanted to, I could probably learn what a 3/8th something or other is and how not to cut my hand off using a power saw.

Most of all, know that there’s probably someone out there who envies and respects your abilities and the things that you do well.  Keep that in mind the next time your ego tells you to grab the power saw when you have absolutely no clue about what you’re doing.  You may feel temporarily un-manly, but at least you’ll still have both hands and all of your fingers.

Can you identify your unique gifts and talents?

Your Blackjack Etiquette Cheat Sheet

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“I love blackjack. But I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi circle.”

– Mitch Hedberg

 

One of my favorite recreational activities is playing blackjack.  This past weekend, I had a chance to play at one of California’s many Indian casinos.  I was at my preferred spot, third base (seat to the dealer’s immediate right), when this young couple sat down in the middle of the table.  Now, whenever a table is going well (and this one was going well), there’s always a sense of dread whenever new players jump in.  These two ended up being OK.  They asked questions (“Should I hit?” or “Do I stay?”) and were pretty low key the entire time.

In all the years I’ve been playing blackjack, I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff, from guys “tilting” (losing all self-control) to near fistfights to unbelievable hot streaks.  And like any activity, there is proper etiquette.  For those new to the game, here’s your blackjack etiquette cheat sheet.  Print it out and carry it with you the next time you roll out with your buddies.

***Foul language warning.  A perfect example of what happens at a blackjack table.  From Ari’s language to 3rd base splitting face cards.***

Learn Basic Strategy: No, you’re not going to count cards.  Unless you are an MIT student, some kind of savant (Rain Man) or Alan from The Hangover, you need to learn basic strategy.  You will hear players or the dealer refer to “The Book.”  The “book” they’re referring to is basic strategy.  It’s about knowing when to hit and when to stay.  Some players actually play with a little strategy card in their hand.  Better to play with the strategy card in your hand than guess what you’re supposed to do next with the whole table watching.

Control Yourself: No one wants to hear you complain about other people’s play (“WHY did you do that?” or “I can’t believe you did that!”)  No one wants to watch you pound the table in disgust because you’ve been dealt 14 for five straight hands.  And there is no faster way to get kicked out of a casino than to start dropping f-bombs.  It actually makes the vibe at the whole table awkward and uncomfortable. Don’t be that guy.  That’s why you need to…

Have an Exit Plan:  This is easier said than done.  It takes a lot of self-discipline to get up and leave when you say you’re going to get up and leave.  One more hand becomes twenty more hands.  Know when you’re done.  At x number of losses.  At x amount of dollars.  Go get something to eat.  Take a nap.  People-watch.  Take a break and try again later (if you haven’t already blown through your cash).

Don’t Stare at Your Cards: This is why you need to learn basic strategy.  The cards aren’t going to somehow magically transform.  Make a decision.  No amount of concentrated brain power will turn your 15 into 20.

Please Don’t Hit and Run:  The table is in a good rhythm.  People are having a good time.  Don’t be the guy who walks by the table, plays one or two hands, then gets up and leaves.  Please find a table that is empty or where everyone is drunk.

Don’t Blame the Dealer:  See Control Yourself.  The dealer, as much as you may think, has no magical power over the cards.  Mary has been on her feet for eight hours.  The last thing she wants to hear is someone yelling, “Mary, you are KILLING me!”  “Mary, when is Lucy coming back from her break?”  Now granted, there are some dealers who are really great at interaction and making you feel at home.  And there are those who appear to be androids, mechanically dealing the cards.  Either way, your wins and losses are in the cards, not with the dealer.

Tip the Dealer: If you’re on fire, tip the dealer.  Like waiters and waitresses, dealers make a lot of their money from tips.  Better than tipping at one time, drop a bet for them on your next hand.  You’d be surprised at how some dealers come to life when they see that you’ve dropped as little as a dollar for them.  Believe me, they appreciate the consideration.

LEAVE: Get up a winner.  All gamblers know that dreadful feeling of having won and lost all of their winnings.  Set a goal.  Once you hit it and if things are still going well, keep going.  Inevitably, however, you’ll know when that streak has come to an end.  Get up and walk to the cashier’s cage with a big smile on your face.  Know that you’ve beaten the house, this time.

What’s your favorite blackjack story?

The Random 42 (Life Tips) At 42

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“At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.”

– Benjamin Franklin

 

Celebrating my 42nd birthday, 42 random thoughts to think about (in no particular order). It’s around 10:00a.m.  I’m putting this down now because I suspect later I’ll be falling asleep from too much cake and ice cream.

 

Find your passions and what makes you happy.  Do as many of these things on a daily basis.  If your work is your passion and it makes you happy, consider yourself extremely blessed.

In reality, people care about you but don’t really care about what you’re doing (even if we think they do)…they have their own problems to worry about.  Do your own thing and don’t worry about what others think.

It’s not as bad as you think.  Like Richard Carlson (“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”) says, “Is this going to matter a year from now?”  Probably not.

Want versus need. (I want that 55-inch LCD HDTV but do I need it?)  I don’t even watch that much TV.  This is a good rule to follow in keeping purchases to a minimum.

No credit card debt.  No car payment.  “The borrower is slave to the lender.” (Proverbs 22:7)

I don’t care what anyone says.  The 80’s were awesome.

Never take your friendships for granted.  Real friends are a blessing and very hard to come by.

It only takes one act of betrayal to destroy years and years of trust.

At 42, I still love hip-hop.  By the way, old-school hip-hop is still the best.

The older you get, the more important diet and exercise are.  You can’t hide from these two, no matter how busy you are or how many excuses you make.  Consequences of ignoring one (or both) will eventually catch up with you.

Honor your father and mother.  Recognize the sacrifices they’ve made for you.

You can never show enough gratitude and appreciation for your blessings – no matter how small.

Read.  Don’t stop learning.

When your kid is talking to you, pay attention.  There will come a time where you wish they would talk to you more.

Do something special for your spouse.  This is the one person you probably take for granted the most.

It’s OK to have a guilty pleasure.  Like I said, I don’t watch that much TV, but I can tell you what recently caught my attention: The Pauly D Project, Tosh.0, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Storage Wars.  I look at it as junk food.  A little is OK now and then.

Do something different.  Go to a different restaurant.  Take a different way to work.  Talk to different people.

You may not like your job that much, that’s OK.  First, appreciate that you have a job then start looking for one that you will like.

Dream.  What does your ideal life look like three, five, ten, twenty years from now?  Start  moving towards that vision now.

Incorporate some type of faith or spirituality in your life.  The benefits have been well documented.

Forget about controlling other people.  You can only control you.

We all have comfort zones.  It’s hard and scary, but keep trying to expand your horizon by doing things you know you’re avoiding.

Never take your health for granted.  Ask anyone who’s had a life-threatening illness or an accident.  Your entire outlook on life changes.

Keep your ego in check.

Help someone else.  I try to keep in mind Zig Ziglar’s quote: “You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough people get what they want.”

There will always be someone smarter, better looking, richer, more accomplished, funnier and (insert description here).  So just do your own thing and stop comparing.

Small things count for big things.  A compliment, kind word, smile or act of generosity may just be what someone needs at that time.

Your time is limited.  Don’t waste it on things like anger, jealousy, greed, hate or anything else that keeps you from being happy.

Be more present.  Focus on right now.

Use your vacation days.  Is there really a perfect time to take vacation?  There will always be work waiting for you at the office.

Be selective about how you spend your time.  There are 168 hours in a week.  Do you really want to spend your days watching TV and playing video games?

You don’t have to be productive all the time either.  It’s OK to shut down and “veg” out for a while.  It’s good to let your mind and body take a breather.

I love the terms “The Resistance” and “Lizard Brain.”  These are used to describe the voice in our head that tells us we are not good enough, smart enough, or even crazy for wanting to do things we really want to do.  The fact we can identify the voice means we can also acknowledge it and tell it to please be quiet.

When someone is talking to you – listen.  Don’t be one of those people who cuts others off mid-sentence or begins the sentence with “I.”

Don’t be a M.O.E. (Master of Everything) or Topper (great Dilbert character who is always trying to “top” someone else’s story).  No one likes to be around these kind of characters.  Stay humble.

Healthcare is a hot-button topic right now.  Thank God for healthcare.  If you have coverage, consider it a blessing.

Have an emergency fund.  It’s nice to know you have a small cushion to cover new tires, a new refrigerator, worn down brakes, or anything else that needs to be replaced or fixed.

Once a year (I do it around the holidays), drive around your childhood neighborhood and old stomping grounds.  For me, it brings back great memories and helps me to appreciate where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and where I am today.

Be accountable and responsible.  Everyone immediately knows who “that” guy is.  The one who won’t hesitate to throw others under the bus at the first sign of trouble.

It’s OK to screw up and make mistakes.  Look at these events as learning opportunities, not defining moments.

As we get older, our analytical (grown-up, big boy) voice often drowns out our intuitive (gut feeling) voice.  It’s good to be cautious and to think through things, but sometimes we should go with what “feels” right.

Every morning, expect great things to happen.

 

 

What are some of your random life tips?

On Having A Man Crush

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I don’t know why, but the term “man crush” makes me snicker.

A man crush as defined in the urban dictionary:

“Respect, admiration and idolization of another man. Non-sexual. Celebrities, athletes and rock stars are often the object of the man crush.” 

I thought about this the other day after buying some summertime clothes (shorts, shirts, t-shirts, etc.)  When I looked at all of the clothes I had bought, I realized most were RVCA brand.  I was exposed to this gear by watching (and being a fan of) BJ Penn, a storied MMA fighter from Hawaii who is sponsored by the company.  I think I am the textbook marketing example.

Cool Athlete/Actor/Spokesperson, etc. + Man Crush + Good Product = Company $$$

Why do we have crushes?  From what I can gather, it stems from some sort of connection or attraction to the person.  There could be a million different reasons for this attraction.  For example, it could be a great appreciation for the person’s skill, heart, and talent.  Or it could be the connection of being from the same country or hometown (go to Union City or Daly City on Manny Pacquiao fight day and count the number of Filipino flag-bearing shirts).  It may be a favorite player on a favorite sports team.  Or even the shared experience of having conquered similar obstacles (Lance Armstrong and cancer is a perfect example).

In true guy fashion, no one really likes to admit they have a man crush.  But somehow it will manifest itself in the form of wearing a player’s sports jersey, buying endorsed products (like me), attending seminars and presentations, buying books, magazines or any other media associated with your man crush.

I Love Me Some Ichiro!

Some of the guys I admire (off the top of my head):

Lance Armstrong (for above reason, doping allegations or no doping allegations)

Ichiro Suzuki (There is something just so damn cool about Ichiro.  Plus he’s one of the few athletes that can get away with his first name only.)

Bradley Cooper and Liam Neeson (OK, so see how this sounds a little weird now?  There’s just something very likable and cool about them.  Plus they were half of the A-Team which is a definite plus in my man-book.)

Tom Clancy (Even his name sounds like one of his characters.  Read a little about Clancy.  He has a great personal story.)

Emmitt Smith (At only 5-9, Emmitt went on to lead the NFL in rushing.  I loved watching Emmitt run in those great Cowboy teams of the 90’s.)  I even had Emmitt’s football card hanging in my cubicle at work (see overboard list below).  

I’m telling guys it’s OK to celebrate your man crush.  What I don’t get, though, is that it’s acceptable to gush over our sports figures (if you want to OD on man crush talk, just listen to sports talk radio for an hour).  But tell someone you love another man’s writing or acting, and people (usually other guys) just look at you funny (and then crack on you).

Now, with that said, here are three signs you might be going a little overboard with your man crush:

You have a photographic memory of your man’s work: If you can recite every line of every movie of your favorite actor, cite every statistic, or describe a game-time situation down to the last detail of the 1988 National League Championship Series, then you probably have TMMI (too much man information).

You literally follow your man: This is called stalking.  If you attend every game, hang around places he would be, or park outside of his home, then you have gone way beyond man crush.  Actually, this you might want to keep a secret.

You have pictures of your man crush: If you have posters or pictures on your wall or at your desk of your man crush, then maybe it’s time you took them down – especially if they’re the same posters and pictures you had as a kid, like those old school Sports Illustrated prints – remember those?  The exception to this rule is an actual photo of you and your man crush.  You know, the one you took at the restaurant with your arm around him while giving the big “thumbs up” sign – after you interrupted dinner with his family.  By the way, I count photos on your computer screen saver on this list as well (including the aforementioned dinner photo).  These should be taken off of your computer immediately.     

Other than that, crush on!

Who are your man crushes?

When Is It OK To Discipline Someone Else’s Kid?

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You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have, for instance. 

~Franklin P. Jones

 

A while back, I was at the zoo with my family, walking behind this chubby little kid and his mother.  The kid suddenly turns around and yells, “C’mon, Mom, move your fat ass!”  I stopped for a second, expecting this kid’s mother to pick him up and pile-drive him into the ground.  Instead, she softly said, “You don’t talk to me like that.”  I so badly wanted to grab this kid by the arm and yell at him.

We’ve all been in this situation, whether it’s a stranger’s, friend’s, co-worker’s, or an acquaintance’s kid.  At some point you’ve witnessed a serious brat-attack and wanted to intervene, but the little voice inside of you, for some reason, held you back.  I remember sitting in church behind two little girls and an older woman who looked to be their mother.  She was staring straight ahead and being engaged in Mass.  But the two girls were squirming in the pews, chuckling, hitting each other and making all sorts of noise.  For most of the hour, I couldn’t concentrate because I was so agitated by their antics.  I finally shot them a dirty look and asked them to be quiet, which they did, for five minutes.  I don’t think the woman said a word to either one of them.

Google “Disciplining other people’s children” and you’ll come up with a wide range of views, from “I would absolutely discipline the kid because it takes a village to raise a child.” to “This is my kid and don’t you dare even think about disciplining him/her.  If you do, then we’re going to have a problem.”

 So what’s the right answer?  It depends.

Is there a safety issue involved?  I think this is the exception to the rule of “no intervention.”  So if we’re at the park and little Johnny is about to jump off of the six-foot play structure and onto your kid (a la WWE-style), then you should definitely open your mouth.  Same if you’ve invited your boss and his kids to your house for a BBQ and his little girl gets a hold of your lighter fluid and some matches.

What’s the situation?  If safety’s not an issue, then where you’re at may influence your decision to discipline someone else’s kid.  If it’s your house, then for sure – your house, your rules.  If you’re at the mall and some kid is tearing pages out of a magazine, yes, you might say something.  How about at an acquaintance’s house, amusement park or the airport?  Use your best judgment  and look at the circumstances and what’s going on around you.  More than likely, it’s better just to walk away.

Is there a teaching lesson here?  Be very careful.  This kind of goes back to the heart of this dilemma.  What you would consider a teaching lesson might be considered overblown or stupid by someone else.  Maybe it’s OK for some parents to have their kid cuss or run around with a sharp object.  I have good friends who are teachers and to whom discipline comes second nature.  You know, bend at the waist or get on one knee, look the kid in the eye and gently say, “That’s a bad word and it’s not safe to run around with a butter knife.”  Again, use your best judgment.  Some parents might take exception to you teaching their child.

So if you do decide to make a kid cry, oops, I mean, teach a child a good life lesson, remember a few things:

Involve the parent: This is the adult thing to do.  But if you really think about it, and not to generalize, is it a stretch to say that the kid is taking on the mannerisms of the adult?  Never mind, that topic will be for another blog.  Anyway, the adult thing to do would be to use the same gentle teacher voice, catch their attention from playing Bejeweled, and say, “Excuse me, but is that your child throwing rocks into the Koi fish pond?”  This kind of  approach should usually be a strong enough hint for the parent to take some action.

Watch your tone: Be calm but firm.  The most embarrassing thing is to have the kid laugh at you or tell you to (bleep) off.  Let them know you’re serious without going into straight tirade beast-mode.  In other words, keep your anger in check.

NO physical contact:  This is a bad idea all around. (Like I said, unless this involves some sort of immediate danger.)

Explain Yourself:  Remember, no matter how bratty or annoying a kid’s behavior is, he/she is still a kid.  They might not know any better or are completely oblivious to what they’re doing.  If you’re going to speak up, make sure this kid knows what they’re being called out for (“That isn’t safe for you or the kids you’re playing with.”, “That’s very hurtful language.”, “Someone else is going to have to clean that up.”)

When my daughter was around four, I took her to the park.  She approached these two little girls, wanting to play.  Not only did they yell at her to get away, one threw sand (fortunately not hitting my daughter) and the other actually spit.  I was so angry that I wanted to throw sand and spit.  These kids’ parents were nowhere to be found.  So instead of going berserk, I picked my daughter up and took her to another part of the park.  This actually became a good teaching lesson for her on how not to act.  In the bigger scheme of things, not losing it was probably a better lesson for my daughter to see.  Take that into consideration the next time you’re weighing out the disciplining of someone else’s kid.

When was the last time you disciplined someone else’s child and what for?

Glory Days (Are You Living Too Much In The Past?)

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“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.”
– Thomas Jefferson

 

 

“Back in the days when I was young I’m not a kid anymore, but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again.”
– Ahmad, “Back In The Day”

 

I met up with two of my oldest friends the other night.  Given the two-hour drive and busyness of our lives, we don’t get to see each other as often as we would like.  But when opportunities arise like golf, a special occasion, or business meeting within a reasonable distance, we try to make time to hang out.

These guys still live in the area where we grew up and they’re on Facebook (which I’m not…yet), so when we get together, I know there’s always going to be a lot of: 1) updates on people we know; and 2) laughs about the past.  As for the second point, I love to listen to and tell great stories – over and over again.  This is one of my favorite activities.  Just hanging out with friends, catching up, and re-living the past.

Re-living is the operative word here.  Hanging out and recounting stories, is this considered re-living or just appreciating the past?  When I think reliving, I think of Uncle Rico in the movie “Napoleon Dynamite.”  Uncle Rico is a middle-aged former athlete who lives in a van and laments his failed opportunity to become an NFL star.  This is someone who you’d consider “living in the past.”

Another classic example (and if you’re middle-aged, you know what I’m talking about) is Al Bundy of “Married With Children.”  Remember? Al would re-live his high school gridiron greatness (“Four touchdowns in one game!”).

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with revisiting the past.  Revisiting the past allows you to laugh at funny experiences, lifts you up when you’re down, and even builds confidence during times of fear or anxiety.  However, when your brief visits become an encampment, this can be problematic.  Ever have a conversation with someone trapped in the past?  It usually goes off the rails and onto some weird path:

  • “I was the high school homecoming king/queen.  I was one of the most popular people in school.”
  • “I was class president.  I could have gone to (name of preferred college or university here) but I chose to go to (name of community college) instead.”
  • “I played two sports in high school and was recruited by some big time colleges.  If I didn’t start working right out of high school, I could have played (insert professional sport here).”
  • “I was the class playa.  All the girls used to love me.”

Fortunately, I haven’t had one of these conversations in a while.  The people I’m around the most are pretty settled, present, and don’t dwell too much on the past (at least publicly). As for myself, I’m probably like the average person.  Something will trigger a thought about the past, but I think I do a good job of not camping out there.

What about you?  Are you a little too much like Uncle Rico or Al Bundy for comfort?  If so, here are four things to think about:

  • Have A Vision For Tomorrow: This is where living in the past gets dangerous.  It puts you in a place where you think your best days were yesterday.  The most successful and optimistic people understand that their best days are still ahead.  It’s cool you were a big-time athlete in high school, but what would be the awesome vision for yourself tomorrow?
  • Assess What You Have Today: What are you taking for granted?  Your health?  Your beautiful family?  Great friends?  A good job?  Constant past talk can wear you (and the people around you) down.  Instead of yearning for yesterday, how about appreciation for what you have in your life today?
  • Re-connect With Who You Are: The quarterback who threw the game-winning pass in the section championship game is retired.  The homecoming queen has since gone home.  These people will always be a part of you, but who are you today? When you look in the mirror and can’t remember who you really are, it’s time to stop and take stock of who you are right now and who you want to be tomorrow.
  • Appreciate the Past: This may be an odd recommendation given what I’ve outlined above, but we should always remember where we’ve been.  The past, whether we like it or not, has shaped us into what we are today.  Every year, around the holidays, I go home and have a nice dinner out with childhood friends.  Part of my own “tradition” is to drive around my old neighborhood – the house I grew up in, schools, friends’ houses, and old hangouts.  Not only does it bring back great memories, it humbles me, helps me appreciate what I have today and reminds me of tomorrow’s possibilities.

How much time do you spend thinking about the past?

Distracted By Later (And Five Ways To Avoid This)

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The present is a gift and I just wanna be.

– Common, “Be”

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

– Matthew 6:27

Has this ever happened to you?  Say you’re having a perfect moment.  Maybe you’re having dinner and drinks with some good friends, or lying on the beach with your family, or finishing up a great workout.  Life is good.  Suddenly you’re jolted by something that needs to be done later.  It could be a project due at work, an unpaid bill, or anything else that is taking you away from your perfect moment.

I struggle with this all the time.  Trying to be present now is something I’ve been trying to work on in my own life.  I have this bad habit of stressing about things I need to do later. Later, meaning several hours from now, tomorrow, next week, or sometime else in the future:

  • What am I going to cook for dinner tonight?
  • I need to pack my gym bag for tomorrow.
  • This project needs to be done by next week.
  • Am I ready for my vacation in two weeks?
  • Do I have a blog idea for the end of the week?

I’ve come to realize that this endless stream of tomorrow-worry does two things: 1) it becomes a needless drain of energy; and more importantly 2) it takes me away from any enjoyment that I might be experiencing right now.  This became annoyingly clear a few years back while on vacation in Hawaii.  Here I was at this beautiful beach house with family and friends but I could not fully enjoy myself.  My awesome Hawaiian vacation was being clouded by distractions of work, upcoming responsibilities, and even missed workouts. The next thing I knew, we were packing up the rental car and heading back to the airport.

After being diagnosed with cancer, I promised myself that I would work on being more present.  Reading about cancer survivors and those dying from terminal illnesses, I learned that now is all that we have and that tomorrow isn’t promised to us.  This is easy to say but much harder to put into practice since most people don’t plan for no tomorrow.  With that said, here are five things that have helped me become more present:

  • Slow Down: Thinking about your “to do” list can become overwhelming.  One task becomes two, two becomes four and so on.  I tell my mind to stop and then ask myself, “What am I working on/doing right now?”  If I’m writing a report, I’ll focus on writing the report.  If I’m lifting weights, I’ll focus on lifting weights.  If I’m having dinner with friends, I’ll focus on my food and the company around me.  Slow your mind down and simply think about the task at hand.
  • Observe and Take In: Sometimes I get so distracted I’ll forget where I’m at or what I’m doing (which is not so good when you’re driving).  Again, I’ll stop, take a deep breath, and take a look around me.  Use your senses to be fully aware of where you are.  I have a window seat at work.  Usually I’ll just swivel my chair around and take note of the colors of the trees, watch the flags get whipped around by the wind, or smell the chicken sandwich that my co-worker is eating in the next cubicle over.
  • Focus On Gratitude: Instead of thinking about what needs to be done in the future, I’ll give thanks for something right now.  I’m grateful for my health.  I’m grateful for this dinner that I’m eating.  I’m grateful that I’m sitting at work.  I’m grateful to be spending time with my family or friends.  Actually, expressing gratitude is a pretty powerful tool. Not only does it humble you and make you happy, it keeps your mind in the present as well.
  • Do Something For Someone Else: A great way to get your mind off yourself is to do something for another person.  Help a co-worker with his/her project.  Compliment someone.  Buy someone an unexpected gift.  Write a kind note to a friend.  Getting outside of our own head and focusing on others not only brings happiness to others, it boosts our energy levels as well.
  • Remember – Been There, Done That: I recall something that “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff” author Richard Carlson wrote: “Will this matter a year from now?” More than likely, no.  The same things you’re worrying or thinking about now, you’ll probably be worrying about and thinking about tomorrow.  And the next day.  That big presentation?  It’s not your first and it won’t be your last.  The project that’s due? You’ve met deadlines before and you can do it again.  Have confidence that whatever comes to mind, you’ll be able to crush it when the time comes.

In the end, there will always be things to distract us.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with planning and being prepared.  But when these become overwhelming distractions today, it robs us of the opportunity to take in life now – which is all we really have anyway.

What are some ways you avoid distractions?  How are you more present?

Where Have All My Action Heroes Gone?

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I wrote this post awhile ago but I think today’s a perfect day as we honor real-life heroes; men and women who died in service of our nation.  Take a few minutes today to read about the courage and sacrifice of those who gave all.  Individuals like Navy SEAL and Medal of Honor recipient Lt. Michael Murphy, whose actions are described in two books I highly recommend: Seal of Honor and Lone Survivor.  To all those who have sacrificed their lives and to those who have and are now serving, thank you…

“As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary.”
– Ernest Hemingway

I’m sure we can debate this point, but I think I grew up in the golden age of bigger-than-life action heroes.  It seemed like every month during the 80’s and early 90’s, some cool new action flick was coming out starring one of the big five:

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Sylvester Stallone
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Bruce Willis
Steven Seagal

To this day I still hear people reference lines from their movies:

“I’ll be back…”
“Yipee-ky-yay m…..fer…”
“I’m gonna take you to the bank…the blood bank…”
“Nothing is over!!!”
“NOOOOOooooooooooooo” (Every Van Damme movie)

I don’t care what anyone says, Tango and Cash is a great movie (Note: Great is a relative term.  I’m not talking Oscar award winning great – I mean just fun action movie great.)  So is On Deadly Ground (with Joan Chen playing an Eskimo woman).  Yes, I really like the “Bourne” series and Daniel Craig’s “Bond” is cool, but what I miss is the simple good guy – bad guy, bone breaking, martial arts fighting, gun-toting, cool-talking hero blockbuster movies from back in the day.  Give me First Blood, Die Hard, Commando, Bloodsport or Marked for Death any day before the Kill Bill trilogy, Fast and Furious movies, or Pirates franchise.

The all-important question back in the day: Who would win in a fight - John Rambo or John Matrix?

Sadly, like aging championship-winning sports teams, stars get older and their performance and output begin to deteriorate (I guess if you count “The Expendables” and upcoming “Expendables 2”, there is somewhat of an old-school action-hero resurgence). Arnold went on to become California’s governor, Van Damme disappeared (soon to re-apperar in the aforementioned Expendables 2) and Seagal went on to everything straight-to-video (or DVD).  To their credit, Sly and Willis seem to still be going strong (Willis’ Red and Live Free or Die Hard were pretty good and A Good Day to Die Hard is in production).  Rambo (2008) uh, not so good (but I enjoyed Rocky Balboa).

So take a look at our aging action hero championship team lineup:

Arnold Schwarzenegger (65)
Sylvester Stallone (66)
Jean-Claude Van Damme (52)
Bruce Willis (57)
Steven Seagal (60)

And who they’ve been replaced by:

The Rock (40)
Jason Statham (45)
Liam Neeson (60)
Will Smith (44)
Mark Wahlberg (41)

Not bad…From my recollection, I think maybe Neeson’s “Taken” reminds me the most of an 80’s throwback action movie.  Maybe I’m just being nostalgic, but when I start seeing the summer blockbuster offerings of “Battleship”, “Madagascar 3” and “Snow White & The Huntsman”, I want to be like Van Damme and say “Nooooooooo…..Where are my action heroes??!!”

 What are some of your favorite action movies and heroes?

Ten Signs That You Might Be Inconsiderate

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Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

– Philippians 2:4

 

We went to see “The Avengers” a few weeks ago.  A woman and little girl were sitting behind us.  There were the familiar sounds of crinkling paper and popcorn-munching, followed by the gulping of soda.  What came next was a very unexpected sound.  The lovely sound of vomit – like someone had poured an entire Big Gulp on the floor.  I expected this woman to rush the poor kid outside.  Instead, she let the kid finish emptying the contents of her stomach…and then continued to watch the movie!  Look, I know the price nowadays for a movie ticket is ridiculous, but could you, please, have, at least, taken her to the bathroom and cleaned her up?  Show some consideration for your fellow movie-goers.

I like to think people don’t go out of their way to be inconsiderate.  Sometimes we just have bad days or get distracted.  For some, it might be a learned behavior, habit, or accepted practice in their circle.  I can say I don’t do any of these following things on purpose.  But then again, I could also be doing things that others would identify as being inconsiderate. Here are the ten signs you just might be inconsiderate (in no particular order):

Littering: When I go to the gym, I’m amazed at how much trash is in the parking lot.  Water bottles, soda cans, fast food bags, and protein bar wrappers clearly left by people who opened their car door and just left their junk on the ground.  And the next time you go to the movies, take a look around and see how much trash people leave in and around their seats.  There are trash cans all over the place.  You’re telling me you can’t walk up to one and dump your trash?  Do you think your mother is going to come by later and clean up after you?

Trash left in Downtown Disney, Anaheim, California - Mickey is ashamed of you!

Taking Up Two Parking Spaces: So you have a nice shiny new black Chrysler 300 with sparkling chrome rims.  I like it.  What I don’t like is that you took up two parking spaces because you didn’t want any dings or dents on your new car.  How about parking across the street or driving your commuter car next time?

Not Using Your Turn Signal: Probably the biggest reason for road rage.  Isn’t using your turn signal part of the vehicle code?  You wouldn’t step in front of someone at the bank or grocery store, right?  So why would you just cut in front of them on the road?  Using your turn signal is the equivalent of saying, “Excuse me, thank you.”

Not Washing Your Hands After Using The Bathroom: I’ve written about this before.  One day, I plan on stopping the next guy who walks out of the bathroom without washing his hands and asking him simply, why?  I mean, is there any good reason for not washing your hands besides you’re lazy or don’t care that you’re greeting me with your urine?

Cursing In Mixed Company:  You’re an adult.  You can speak in any manner you want.  But when you’re in the company of strangers, or worse, kids, and you start dropping f-bombs like you’re out with your buddies at a bar, then I have to say you’re inconsiderate.  I shouldn’t have to cover my kid’s ears (earmuffs) like Vince Vaughn in “Old School.”

Using “I” In Every Sentence: Dilbert has a great character named “Topper.”  He’s the “I” guy.  The one who takes over the conversation with his or her stories.  “I remember the time…”  “Oh yeah, I remember when…”  “That reminds me of the time when I…”  OK, Mr./Mrs. I need and want attention.  You lost me at the second “I.”

Letting Your Kids Run Buck-wild: You know these kids.  These are the kids that are running up and down the aisles in church, throwing merchandise all over the store floor, or touching things where there’s a humongous “Do Not Touch” sign – all while their parents are: 1) nowhere to be found; 2) on their cell phone; or 3) talking to the parents of other buck-wild kids.

Not Putting Stuff Back: I’ve done it.  You’ve done it.  How many times have you picked up an item in a grocery store, decided you didn’t want it, then shoved it somewhere in another aisle (or put it in the freezer)?  Or loaded your car then jammed your shopping cart over a curb or left it in a parking space (where some poor woman had to get out and move it in order to park).  Put things back where they belong.  This is a lot like littering in that you’re leaving something out of place that someone else has to clean up.

Loud Cell Phone Talk: If you’ve ever ridden public transportation, you’ve heard it.  This is the woman who is having man troubles or the man with some kind of rash that requires additional tests.  You know because you and everyone else on the bus, train, or subway can hear them talking…wait…no…screaming about it on their cell phone.  Why in the world are you talking so loud? 

Being A Tip Accountant: I‘ve never had to wait tables or clean a hotel room, but I think there’s a reason these are considered some of the toughest jobs in the world.  Because they’re hard and don’t pay that well.  Do you really have to calculate the tip down to the nearest penny or percentage point?  Are you the person who asks, “Why are you leaving so much?” or “Why do I need to put in an extra dollar?”  Or worse, not tip at all?  The next time you go out to eat or stay at a hotel, tip a little extra cash.

What would be your signs of inconsideration?