Author Archives: admin

On Having A Man Crush

Posted on by

I don’t know why, but the term “man crush” makes me snicker.

A man crush as defined in the urban dictionary:

“Respect, admiration and idolization of another man. Non-sexual. Celebrities, athletes and rock stars are often the object of the man crush.” 

I thought about this the other day after buying some summertime clothes (shorts, shirts, t-shirts, etc.)  When I looked at all of the clothes I had bought, I realized most were RVCA brand.  I was exposed to this gear by watching (and being a fan of) BJ Penn, a storied MMA fighter from Hawaii who is sponsored by the company.  I think I am the textbook marketing example.

Cool Athlete/Actor/Spokesperson, etc. + Man Crush + Good Product = Company $$$

Why do we have crushes?  From what I can gather, it stems from some sort of connection or attraction to the person.  There could be a million different reasons for this attraction.  For example, it could be a great appreciation for the person’s skill, heart, and talent.  Or it could be the connection of being from the same country or hometown (go to Union City or Daly City on Manny Pacquiao fight day and count the number of Filipino flag-bearing shirts).  It may be a favorite player on a favorite sports team.  Or even the shared experience of having conquered similar obstacles (Lance Armstrong and cancer is a perfect example).

In true guy fashion, no one really likes to admit they have a man crush.  But somehow it will manifest itself in the form of wearing a player’s sports jersey, buying endorsed products (like me), attending seminars and presentations, buying books, magazines or any other media associated with your man crush.

I Love Me Some Ichiro!

Some of the guys I admire (off the top of my head):

Lance Armstrong (for above reason, doping allegations or no doping allegations)

Ichiro Suzuki (There is something just so damn cool about Ichiro.  Plus he’s one of the few athletes that can get away with his first name only.)

Bradley Cooper and Liam Neeson (OK, so see how this sounds a little weird now?  There’s just something very likable and cool about them.  Plus they were half of the A-Team which is a definite plus in my man-book.)

Tom Clancy (Even his name sounds like one of his characters.  Read a little about Clancy.  He has a great personal story.)

Emmitt Smith (At only 5-9, Emmitt went on to lead the NFL in rushing.  I loved watching Emmitt run in those great Cowboy teams of the 90’s.)  I even had Emmitt’s football card hanging in my cubicle at work (see overboard list below).  

I’m telling guys it’s OK to celebrate your man crush.  What I don’t get, though, is that it’s acceptable to gush over our sports figures (if you want to OD on man crush talk, just listen to sports talk radio for an hour).  But tell someone you love another man’s writing or acting, and people (usually other guys) just look at you funny (and then crack on you).

Now, with that said, here are three signs you might be going a little overboard with your man crush:

You have a photographic memory of your man’s work: If you can recite every line of every movie of your favorite actor, cite every statistic, or describe a game-time situation down to the last detail of the 1988 National League Championship Series, then you probably have TMMI (too much man information).

You literally follow your man: This is called stalking.  If you attend every game, hang around places he would be, or park outside of his home, then you have gone way beyond man crush.  Actually, this you might want to keep a secret.

You have pictures of your man crush: If you have posters or pictures on your wall or at your desk of your man crush, then maybe it’s time you took them down – especially if they’re the same posters and pictures you had as a kid, like those old school Sports Illustrated prints – remember those?  The exception to this rule is an actual photo of you and your man crush.  You know, the one you took at the restaurant with your arm around him while giving the big “thumbs up” sign – after you interrupted dinner with his family.  By the way, I count photos on your computer screen saver on this list as well (including the aforementioned dinner photo).  These should be taken off of your computer immediately.     

Other than that, crush on!

Who are your man crushes?

When Is It OK To Discipline Someone Else’s Kid?

Posted on by

You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have, for instance. 

~Franklin P. Jones

 

A while back, I was at the zoo with my family, walking behind this chubby little kid and his mother.  The kid suddenly turns around and yells, “C’mon, Mom, move your fat ass!”  I stopped for a second, expecting this kid’s mother to pick him up and pile-drive him into the ground.  Instead, she softly said, “You don’t talk to me like that.”  I so badly wanted to grab this kid by the arm and yell at him.

We’ve all been in this situation, whether it’s a stranger’s, friend’s, co-worker’s, or an acquaintance’s kid.  At some point you’ve witnessed a serious brat-attack and wanted to intervene, but the little voice inside of you, for some reason, held you back.  I remember sitting in church behind two little girls and an older woman who looked to be their mother.  She was staring straight ahead and being engaged in Mass.  But the two girls were squirming in the pews, chuckling, hitting each other and making all sorts of noise.  For most of the hour, I couldn’t concentrate because I was so agitated by their antics.  I finally shot them a dirty look and asked them to be quiet, which they did, for five minutes.  I don’t think the woman said a word to either one of them.

Google “Disciplining other people’s children” and you’ll come up with a wide range of views, from “I would absolutely discipline the kid because it takes a village to raise a child.” to “This is my kid and don’t you dare even think about disciplining him/her.  If you do, then we’re going to have a problem.”

 So what’s the right answer?  It depends.

Is there a safety issue involved?  I think this is the exception to the rule of “no intervention.”  So if we’re at the park and little Johnny is about to jump off of the six-foot play structure and onto your kid (a la WWE-style), then you should definitely open your mouth.  Same if you’ve invited your boss and his kids to your house for a BBQ and his little girl gets a hold of your lighter fluid and some matches.

What’s the situation?  If safety’s not an issue, then where you’re at may influence your decision to discipline someone else’s kid.  If it’s your house, then for sure – your house, your rules.  If you’re at the mall and some kid is tearing pages out of a magazine, yes, you might say something.  How about at an acquaintance’s house, amusement park or the airport?  Use your best judgment  and look at the circumstances and what’s going on around you.  More than likely, it’s better just to walk away.

Is there a teaching lesson here?  Be very careful.  This kind of goes back to the heart of this dilemma.  What you would consider a teaching lesson might be considered overblown or stupid by someone else.  Maybe it’s OK for some parents to have their kid cuss or run around with a sharp object.  I have good friends who are teachers and to whom discipline comes second nature.  You know, bend at the waist or get on one knee, look the kid in the eye and gently say, “That’s a bad word and it’s not safe to run around with a butter knife.”  Again, use your best judgment.  Some parents might take exception to you teaching their child.

So if you do decide to make a kid cry, oops, I mean, teach a child a good life lesson, remember a few things:

Involve the parent: This is the adult thing to do.  But if you really think about it, and not to generalize, is it a stretch to say that the kid is taking on the mannerisms of the adult?  Never mind, that topic will be for another blog.  Anyway, the adult thing to do would be to use the same gentle teacher voice, catch their attention from playing Bejeweled, and say, “Excuse me, but is that your child throwing rocks into the Koi fish pond?”  This kind of  approach should usually be a strong enough hint for the parent to take some action.

Watch your tone: Be calm but firm.  The most embarrassing thing is to have the kid laugh at you or tell you to (bleep) off.  Let them know you’re serious without going into straight tirade beast-mode.  In other words, keep your anger in check.

NO physical contact:  This is a bad idea all around. (Like I said, unless this involves some sort of immediate danger.)

Explain Yourself:  Remember, no matter how bratty or annoying a kid’s behavior is, he/she is still a kid.  They might not know any better or are completely oblivious to what they’re doing.  If you’re going to speak up, make sure this kid knows what they’re being called out for (“That isn’t safe for you or the kids you’re playing with.”, “That’s very hurtful language.”, “Someone else is going to have to clean that up.”)

When my daughter was around four, I took her to the park.  She approached these two little girls, wanting to play.  Not only did they yell at her to get away, one threw sand (fortunately not hitting my daughter) and the other actually spit.  I was so angry that I wanted to throw sand and spit.  These kids’ parents were nowhere to be found.  So instead of going berserk, I picked my daughter up and took her to another part of the park.  This actually became a good teaching lesson for her on how not to act.  In the bigger scheme of things, not losing it was probably a better lesson for my daughter to see.  Take that into consideration the next time you’re weighing out the disciplining of someone else’s kid.

When was the last time you disciplined someone else’s child and what for?

The Power (And Problems) Of Lying

Posted on by

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” 

– Friedrich Nietzsche

 

It seems like every few months, some high profile figure makes the headlines for some sort of lie.  The recent person of interest was Yahoo’s (now ex) CEO Scott Thompson who listed a non-existent Computer Science degree from Stonehill College on his resume.  His subsequent explanations – “It was an inadvertent error, I never read my internet bios.” – only served to fan the flames of skepticism and anger.

We all lie for different reasons.  To protect someone’s feelings.  To avoid embarrassment. To get away with something we shouldn’t have been doing in the first place.  It’s easy for us to read stories like Thompson’s and snicker, saying things like “How could he be so stupid?” or “I’d never do something like that.”  We shouldn’t be so arrogant.  Everyone is prone to poor decision-making and lapses in judgment.  I’ve seen co-workers lose their jobs for far less indiscretions.  One 20-year employee was fired because he submitted a reimbursement request for an expense that never occurred.  Another was let go because  she lied to our vice president about something that (in her mind) was minor.

Unless you’re a habitual liar or have no problem with lying to others, I think most people try to be honest.  But sometimes, our lies play out like an often-used Three’s Company sitcom plot:

    * Jack tells small lie

    * Lie begins to snowball

    * Chrissy and Janet find out the truth

    * Jack is caught in embarrassing situation and apologizes

The only problem is that there is no laugh track or big group hug at the end.  In real life, the main character (you) often pays the price in very real consequences: broken relationships, job loss, public humiliation, loss of reputation, and lingering questions about your character and integrity are just some of the fallout from a simple lie.  I doubt if Thompson ever thought this small inaccuracy would come back to haunt him.  Another good example is that of George O’Leary, who held (and lost) one of the most prestigious positions in sports – head football coach at the University of Notre Dame.  O’Leary claimed he had a graduate degree and played college football.  Or Marilee Jones, the celebrated Dean of Admissions for the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (M.I.T.) who ended her 28-year career after it was found she fabricated her own educational credentials.

Lying is a powerful tool because it can get us what we desire.  The new house.  Fat promotion.  Exciting affair.  We all know people (maybe even ourselves) who have lied to get what they wanted.  But at what price?  We should always be vigilant with our thoughts, actions, and motivation.  If you start down the path of dishonesty, think about the following:

Who will suffer?  Your spouse?  The children?  Parents?  Close friends?  Colleagues you’ve mentored and who consider you their role model?  Your church community?  Maybe all of the above?

Am I willing to live under constant pressure?  When you’ve lied, you’re on full alert and constantly looking over your shoulder.  Your wife looks at you in a funny way.  The boss calls you into his office.  The phone rings.  Co-workers are whispering in their cubicle.  It’s full on paranoia time.  Everything ties back to your lie and the thought of “Do they know?” and “Oh no, I’ve been caught.”  Do you really want to live your life this way?

Am I ready to pay the price?  All of our actions have consequences.  In getting what you want, are you prepared to face the possibility that you may lose your family, job, reputation, friends and anything else as a result of your lie?  Think about the people you know who have been caught lying.  What was the outcome?  Take those results and…

Be afraid.  Be very afraid.  In my own life, I call this the “Scared Straight” way of learning (after the famous 1978 documentary).  Scared because: a) I don’t want to end up like that guy; and b) I don’t want to lose things like that guy.  This is what I consider life’s warnings.  After seeing the aftermath of infidelity and DUI arrests of people that I know and work with, I am too scared to even think about having an affair or driving under the influence.  Fear can be a very powerful tool if used correctly.

When was the last time you lied and what were the consequences?

Glory Days (Are You Living Too Much In The Past?)

Posted on by
“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.”
– Thomas Jefferson

 

 

“Back in the days when I was young I’m not a kid anymore, but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again.”
– Ahmad, “Back In The Day”

 

I met up with two of my oldest friends the other night.  Given the two-hour drive and busyness of our lives, we don’t get to see each other as often as we would like.  But when opportunities arise like golf, a special occasion, or business meeting within a reasonable distance, we try to make time to hang out.

These guys still live in the area where we grew up and they’re on Facebook (which I’m not…yet), so when we get together, I know there’s always going to be a lot of: 1) updates on people we know; and 2) laughs about the past.  As for the second point, I love to listen to and tell great stories – over and over again.  This is one of my favorite activities.  Just hanging out with friends, catching up, and re-living the past.

Re-living is the operative word here.  Hanging out and recounting stories, is this considered re-living or just appreciating the past?  When I think reliving, I think of Uncle Rico in the movie “Napoleon Dynamite.”  Uncle Rico is a middle-aged former athlete who lives in a van and laments his failed opportunity to become an NFL star.  This is someone who you’d consider “living in the past.”

Another classic example (and if you’re middle-aged, you know what I’m talking about) is Al Bundy of “Married With Children.”  Remember? Al would re-live his high school gridiron greatness (“Four touchdowns in one game!”).

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with revisiting the past.  Revisiting the past allows you to laugh at funny experiences, lifts you up when you’re down, and even builds confidence during times of fear or anxiety.  However, when your brief visits become an encampment, this can be problematic.  Ever have a conversation with someone trapped in the past?  It usually goes off the rails and onto some weird path:

  • “I was the high school homecoming king/queen.  I was one of the most popular people in school.”
  • “I was class president.  I could have gone to (name of preferred college or university here) but I chose to go to (name of community college) instead.”
  • “I played two sports in high school and was recruited by some big time colleges.  If I didn’t start working right out of high school, I could have played (insert professional sport here).”
  • “I was the class playa.  All the girls used to love me.”

Fortunately, I haven’t had one of these conversations in a while.  The people I’m around the most are pretty settled, present, and don’t dwell too much on the past (at least publicly). As for myself, I’m probably like the average person.  Something will trigger a thought about the past, but I think I do a good job of not camping out there.

What about you?  Are you a little too much like Uncle Rico or Al Bundy for comfort?  If so, here are four things to think about:

  • Have A Vision For Tomorrow: This is where living in the past gets dangerous.  It puts you in a place where you think your best days were yesterday.  The most successful and optimistic people understand that their best days are still ahead.  It’s cool you were a big-time athlete in high school, but what would be the awesome vision for yourself tomorrow?
  • Assess What You Have Today: What are you taking for granted?  Your health?  Your beautiful family?  Great friends?  A good job?  Constant past talk can wear you (and the people around you) down.  Instead of yearning for yesterday, how about appreciation for what you have in your life today?
  • Re-connect With Who You Are: The quarterback who threw the game-winning pass in the section championship game is retired.  The homecoming queen has since gone home.  These people will always be a part of you, but who are you today? When you look in the mirror and can’t remember who you really are, it’s time to stop and take stock of who you are right now and who you want to be tomorrow.
  • Appreciate the Past: This may be an odd recommendation given what I’ve outlined above, but we should always remember where we’ve been.  The past, whether we like it or not, has shaped us into what we are today.  Every year, around the holidays, I go home and have a nice dinner out with childhood friends.  Part of my own “tradition” is to drive around my old neighborhood – the house I grew up in, schools, friends’ houses, and old hangouts.  Not only does it bring back great memories, it humbles me, helps me appreciate what I have today and reminds me of tomorrow’s possibilities.

How much time do you spend thinking about the past?

The Value Of Commencement Speeches

Posted on by

Recently while reading Tim Ferris’s blog, I noticed he posted videos of Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford University commencement speech along with author Neil Gaiman’s 2012 commencement speech at the University of the Arts.  I never really gave any thought to the value of commencement speeches.  I don’t even remember who gave the commencement speech at my college graduation.  Once in a while I’d catch news clips of some famous person giving a speech at a well-known college, but that was the extent of it for me.

It wasn’t until the San Jose Mercury News ran the transcript of Jobs’ speech did I realize that these speeches could hold some valuable life lessons.  I mean, we’ll watch TED videos and read personal development material, so why not listen to a successful person boil down their best advice in 20 minutes?  Both of these speeches are very well done and have a lot of great insight.  Jobs’ reflection on his battle with cancer is particularly poignant.

“Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.”

– Otto von Bismarck

This is something I learned late in life.  The funny thing about college commencement speeches is that the audience is filled with bright-eyed, fired-up kids ready to head out to make their mark in the world.  You were that kid once, remember?  These lessons are as applicable to us today as they were 20 or more years ago.

I highly recommend that you check out both speeches.  But if you don’t have roughly 40 minutes of patience, here are your college Cliff notes:

Sometimes it’s better to be inexperienced.  When you don’t know any better you’re not limited by rules or boundaries.  (Experience is good to have, but sometimes it’s the experience that prevents us from taking action.  How many times have you done something that ultimately turned out great because you just “didn’t know any better?”)

Imagine where you want to be and keep moving towards this vision.  The question you should constantly ask yourself: Is what I’m doing moving me closer or further away from my vision?  Depending on your answer, either stop or keep going.

Be thick-skinned.  Failures and disappointments are bound to happen.  

Success often brings more problems.  (Like Puffy says, “More money, more problems.” This is usually part of the equation we don’t plan for.  Have you ever obtained something that you really wanted only to find it was filled with unexpected problems and difficulties?)

Mistakes are OK.  It means you’re doing something.

The single biggest advantage you have is you.  There is no one else in the world who has your voice, mind, story or vision.  (I particularly like this point.  So often, we overlook or take for granted our own gifts and talents.  We’re quick to surrender to that self-sabotaging inner voice that says “Who cares what you have to say?” or “What makes you so special?”)

Enjoy your journey or else you’ll miss the unexpected and remarkable.  (I’m still trying to learn this lesson.  We’re so distracted about the “next” thing that we forget to enjoy the “right now” thing.)

Follow your heart and trust that life will ultimately connect the dots later.  (I envy individuals who just “go” and figure things out later.  This takes a lot of courage, faith and confidence. Think back on your own life how seemingly meaningless or unremarkable events produced something of tremendous significance.  Jobs has a great story about how a single calligraphy class taken during college influenced the Mac’s design.)

You’ve got to find what you love to do.  If not keep looking.  Don’t settle.  You’ll know when you find it.

Your time is limited.  Don’t waste it by living someone else’s expectations.

The last two points Jobs summarizes perfectly.  Given his diagnosis at the time and projected life span, he wakes each day and pretends it’s his last.  The question he asks himself is:

If today is my last day, would I spend it doing what I’m doing today?

 If the answer is “no,” then you know it’s time to start moving towards something different.

Don’t Be A Sad Sack (Red Flags That You Might Be A Party Killer)

Posted on by
I was reading this article the other day about men and midlife crisis.  It seems a root cause of men going haywire when they hit middle-age is a sense of disappointment over how their life has turned out.  There’s a large gap between how they expected their life to be and the reality of where it is today.  These feelings eventually manifest themselves in the forms of bitterness, negativity, and complaining.  I worked with a guy just like this.  Maybe you work with or know someone like this as well.  We nicknamed him the “Sad Sack.”

 

Sad Sack (as defined in the Urban Dictionary):

An individual whose very presence lowers the tone in the room. Will complain about almost anything and will dress in plain, understated clothes. The human equivalent of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

 

And a human equivalent of Eeyore he was.  No matter how you tried to steer the conversation, the discussion ultimately turned negative:

On Relationships:

“My wife was such a bitch.  She took everything that I had.  I’m glad we’re divorced.”

“I don’t see my children too much.  We don’t get along that well.”

On Work:

“Management is so inept.  It’s a miracle we make any money.”

“This job sucks.  I can’t wait to find another job and get the hell out of here.”

On Money:

“I’d move away and find another job but I’m flat broke.”

“That side business, yeah, it didn’t work out too well.  The economy stinks.”

It’s hard to describe the odd mix of annoyance, anger and sympathy I had for this guy.  I realize that poor personal decisions had beaten him down to the point where it was severely affecting his attitude and outlook on life, not to mention his body language.  He moved the way you expected a Sad Sack to move.  Shoulders slumped.  Head down.  Hunched forward.  Feet shuffled.

One thing that I can say I learned from him was fear.  Fear that I might turn out like that someday if I wasn’t vigilant in the handling of my thoughts, actions, decisions, failures, and disappointments.  There were times when I’ve felt like I was heading down this path.  Here are some definite red flags that might signal you are becoming a  Sad Sack Party Killer:

No one wants to be around you: This one’s pretty obvious.  Friends you used to hang out with make constant excuses as to why they can’t.  Co-worker buddies already have other lunch plans.  People engaged in conversation quickly scatter when they see you coming.

Low- to no-energy: This isn’t an occasional thing where you didn’t get enough sleep the night before or maybe you shouldn’t have eaten that fast food meal deal for lunch.  No, this is an “all the time” thing where it feels like you’re walking around with an anchor strapped to your back.  Low- to no-energy means your preferred destination at any point during the day is in bed or on the couch sleeping.

Nothing engages or interests you: Things that you used to love or enjoy doing now seem like chore.  It’s a burden to visit with friends or family members you used to look forward to seeing.  Books, movies, social events, activities?  Nothing seems to ignite you anymore.  Everything is ho-hum.

Everything out of your mouth is negative: “He/She is so stupid.”  “That will never work.”  “That will never last.”  “Why bother?”  Probably the biggest reason that people avoid you.  No one wants to sit under a rain cloud and be told that something (or someone) is dumb or an idea won’t work (even if it is about someone or something else).

You hate to see others succeed or do well: Someone gets promoted?  It’s because they’re an ass-kisser.  Own a successful business?  Surely they’re doing something illegal. In awesome shape?  Must be the drugs.  Whatever it is, there has to be a reason other than just plain hard work, diligence, or even good luck.

If you can relate to some, or possibly all, of the things I listed above, then please get some help.  At the very least, talk to someone close to you who can point you in the right direction.  It’s never too late to start fresh.  For me, I wasn’t joking about my fear of ending up like this.  I talked to people and read or listened to anything I could get my hands on to learn how to prevent this condition.

I don’t know where the Sack ended up after he left the company.  Maybe he changed his attitude and way of thinking.  If not, he’s probably still dragging around his black cloud – depressing co-workers somewhere and further alienating what’s left of the people who still want to be around him.  Sad.

Who are the Sad Sacks in your life and how do you deal with them?

Distracted By Later (And Five Ways To Avoid This)

Posted on by
The present is a gift and I just wanna be.

– Common, “Be”

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

– Matthew 6:27

Has this ever happened to you?  Say you’re having a perfect moment.  Maybe you’re having dinner and drinks with some good friends, or lying on the beach with your family, or finishing up a great workout.  Life is good.  Suddenly you’re jolted by something that needs to be done later.  It could be a project due at work, an unpaid bill, or anything else that is taking you away from your perfect moment.

I struggle with this all the time.  Trying to be present now is something I’ve been trying to work on in my own life.  I have this bad habit of stressing about things I need to do later. Later, meaning several hours from now, tomorrow, next week, or sometime else in the future:

  • What am I going to cook for dinner tonight?
  • I need to pack my gym bag for tomorrow.
  • This project needs to be done by next week.
  • Am I ready for my vacation in two weeks?
  • Do I have a blog idea for the end of the week?

I’ve come to realize that this endless stream of tomorrow-worry does two things: 1) it becomes a needless drain of energy; and more importantly 2) it takes me away from any enjoyment that I might be experiencing right now.  This became annoyingly clear a few years back while on vacation in Hawaii.  Here I was at this beautiful beach house with family and friends but I could not fully enjoy myself.  My awesome Hawaiian vacation was being clouded by distractions of work, upcoming responsibilities, and even missed workouts. The next thing I knew, we were packing up the rental car and heading back to the airport.

After being diagnosed with cancer, I promised myself that I would work on being more present.  Reading about cancer survivors and those dying from terminal illnesses, I learned that now is all that we have and that tomorrow isn’t promised to us.  This is easy to say but much harder to put into practice since most people don’t plan for no tomorrow.  With that said, here are five things that have helped me become more present:

  • Slow Down: Thinking about your “to do” list can become overwhelming.  One task becomes two, two becomes four and so on.  I tell my mind to stop and then ask myself, “What am I working on/doing right now?”  If I’m writing a report, I’ll focus on writing the report.  If I’m lifting weights, I’ll focus on lifting weights.  If I’m having dinner with friends, I’ll focus on my food and the company around me.  Slow your mind down and simply think about the task at hand.
  • Observe and Take In: Sometimes I get so distracted I’ll forget where I’m at or what I’m doing (which is not so good when you’re driving).  Again, I’ll stop, take a deep breath, and take a look around me.  Use your senses to be fully aware of where you are.  I have a window seat at work.  Usually I’ll just swivel my chair around and take note of the colors of the trees, watch the flags get whipped around by the wind, or smell the chicken sandwich that my co-worker is eating in the next cubicle over.
  • Focus On Gratitude: Instead of thinking about what needs to be done in the future, I’ll give thanks for something right now.  I’m grateful for my health.  I’m grateful for this dinner that I’m eating.  I’m grateful that I’m sitting at work.  I’m grateful to be spending time with my family or friends.  Actually, expressing gratitude is a pretty powerful tool. Not only does it humble you and make you happy, it keeps your mind in the present as well.
  • Do Something For Someone Else: A great way to get your mind off yourself is to do something for another person.  Help a co-worker with his/her project.  Compliment someone.  Buy someone an unexpected gift.  Write a kind note to a friend.  Getting outside of our own head and focusing on others not only brings happiness to others, it boosts our energy levels as well.
  • Remember – Been There, Done That: I recall something that “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff” author Richard Carlson wrote: “Will this matter a year from now?” More than likely, no.  The same things you’re worrying or thinking about now, you’ll probably be worrying about and thinking about tomorrow.  And the next day.  That big presentation?  It’s not your first and it won’t be your last.  The project that’s due? You’ve met deadlines before and you can do it again.  Have confidence that whatever comes to mind, you’ll be able to crush it when the time comes.

In the end, there will always be things to distract us.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with planning and being prepared.  But when these become overwhelming distractions today, it robs us of the opportunity to take in life now – which is all we really have anyway.

What are some ways you avoid distractions?  How are you more present?

Where Have All My Action Heroes Gone?

Posted on by
I wrote this post awhile ago but I think today’s a perfect day as we honor real-life heroes; men and women who died in service of our nation.  Take a few minutes today to read about the courage and sacrifice of those who gave all.  Individuals like Navy SEAL and Medal of Honor recipient Lt. Michael Murphy, whose actions are described in two books I highly recommend: Seal of Honor and Lone Survivor.  To all those who have sacrificed their lives and to those who have and are now serving, thank you…

“As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary.”
– Ernest Hemingway

I’m sure we can debate this point, but I think I grew up in the golden age of bigger-than-life action heroes.  It seemed like every month during the 80’s and early 90’s, some cool new action flick was coming out starring one of the big five:

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Sylvester Stallone
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Bruce Willis
Steven Seagal

To this day I still hear people reference lines from their movies:

“I’ll be back…”
“Yipee-ky-yay m…..fer…”
“I’m gonna take you to the bank…the blood bank…”
“Nothing is over!!!”
“NOOOOOooooooooooooo” (Every Van Damme movie)

I don’t care what anyone says, Tango and Cash is a great movie (Note: Great is a relative term.  I’m not talking Oscar award winning great – I mean just fun action movie great.)  So is On Deadly Ground (with Joan Chen playing an Eskimo woman).  Yes, I really like the “Bourne” series and Daniel Craig’s “Bond” is cool, but what I miss is the simple good guy – bad guy, bone breaking, martial arts fighting, gun-toting, cool-talking hero blockbuster movies from back in the day.  Give me First Blood, Die Hard, Commando, Bloodsport or Marked for Death any day before the Kill Bill trilogy, Fast and Furious movies, or Pirates franchise.

The all-important question back in the day: Who would win in a fight - John Rambo or John Matrix?

Sadly, like aging championship-winning sports teams, stars get older and their performance and output begin to deteriorate (I guess if you count “The Expendables” and upcoming “Expendables 2”, there is somewhat of an old-school action-hero resurgence). Arnold went on to become California’s governor, Van Damme disappeared (soon to re-apperar in the aforementioned Expendables 2) and Seagal went on to everything straight-to-video (or DVD).  To their credit, Sly and Willis seem to still be going strong (Willis’ Red and Live Free or Die Hard were pretty good and A Good Day to Die Hard is in production).  Rambo (2008) uh, not so good (but I enjoyed Rocky Balboa).

So take a look at our aging action hero championship team lineup:

Arnold Schwarzenegger (65)
Sylvester Stallone (66)
Jean-Claude Van Damme (52)
Bruce Willis (57)
Steven Seagal (60)

And who they’ve been replaced by:

The Rock (40)
Jason Statham (45)
Liam Neeson (60)
Will Smith (44)
Mark Wahlberg (41)

Not bad…From my recollection, I think maybe Neeson’s “Taken” reminds me the most of an 80’s throwback action movie.  Maybe I’m just being nostalgic, but when I start seeing the summer blockbuster offerings of “Battleship”, “Madagascar 3” and “Snow White & The Huntsman”, I want to be like Van Damme and say “Nooooooooo…..Where are my action heroes??!!”

 What are some of your favorite action movies and heroes?

Five Easy Ways To Kill A Friendship

Posted on by
“Friends are made by many acts and lost by only one.”
– Proverbs

 

Homeboys through the Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall

And then there’s some we wish we never knew at all.
– “Friends” Whodini

 

Every time I read the newspaper (yes, I still love reading the newspaper), I’ll take a look at the “Dear Abby” column.  It’s usually right next to the comics section so I’ll give it the once-over.  A common letter to the column usually has something to do with friendships.

 

They usually begin like this:

Dear Abby,

My friend is always criticizing me…

My friend is always telling me I can’t do something…

I caught my friend in a lie…

You get the point.  I consider myself very fortunate to have great friends, some going all the way back to kindergarten.  When I mention this to people in conversation, some are genuinely surprised and even look at me like I was exaggerating.  Having close friends is one of life’s blessings.  Having people you know you can count on at any time is something not to be taken for granted.  On the flip side, I know people who have taken for granted and ultimately lost some great friendships.

Real friendships take time and effort.  And once a solid foundation is built, they can last a lifetime.  It’s a shame to destroy something so valuable by being careless.  Want to kill a friendship?  Here are 5 sure-fire ways:

  • Destroy Trust: I like the analogy of trust being a lot like a bank account.  The more you deposit into the account in the form of honest words and actions, the stronger the bond becomes.  As you start withdrawing from the account (by doing things like lying and being undependable), the trust balance ultimately goes to zero.  At that point, either the friendship may already be too far gone or it will take a very long time to build trust again.
  • Constantly Compete: Competition between friends is fun.  Friendly competition, that is – the kind of competition where either both of you win or have fun in the process (like a weight loss contest).  But I’m talking about another type of competition that’s destructive.  The keeping-up kind of competition that breeds jealousy and contempt.  One-Upmanship.  You buy a three-bedroom house, I buy a four-bedroom house.  You buy a new Toyota, I buy a new Lexus.  After all, you’re no better than I am.  Why shouldn’t I have the same (or better) things?  Constant competition goes hand-in-hand with comparison.
  • Compare: Similar to competition, comparisons lead to judgment and jealousy.  I fully appreciate the different personalities and gifts that each of my friends have – but it wasn’t always this way.  There were times where I would wish I could be more like some of my friends.  More cooler.  More giving.  More outgoing.  More athletic.  The problem with comparisons is they sometimes get dark and twisted.  Somehow, the “I appreciate Joe for his unselfish personality.” sentiment becomes “That Joe is such a kiss-ass. No one can be that unselfish.”  Or, “Yeah, Kevin has a good job and makes great money, but he’s fat and out of shape.”
“You want to what? That’s a STUPID idea!” Don’t be a dream killer.

 

  • Be A Dream Killer: Dan Miller uses the analogy of black crabs to describe people who criticize or try to crush the dreams of others.  Place a bunch of black crabs into a bucket.  One tries to escape and the other crabs inevitably attack him and pull him back down.  Consider yourself a black crab at the bottom of the bucket when a friend tells you his/her dreams, plans, or aspirations, and you say things like, “Why would you do that?” or “That will never work.” or worse, “That’s stupid.” No one likes or wants to be around a dream killer.
  • Take, Take, Take (And Never Give): Can I borrow some money?  Can I crash at your house?  Can I borrow your car?  Can you hook me up?  As occasional requests, this is exactly what friends are for.  But when you constantly treat friends like an ATM machine or 7-11 (a convenient place for cash and goods), this makes you a freeloader, not a friend.

What are some other ways that we hurt or damage our friendships?

Your Workoutzzz…Signs That You Might Be Undertraining

Posted on by
I was talking to a friend the other day and he mentioned how he was sleepwalking through his workouts.  I could relate because I noticed I was doing the same thing for the past few months.

 

Don’t get me wrong, getting to your workouts on a regular basis is a great thing, but going through the motions are the first steps to burnout.  You can only fake it for so long until your mind and body simply say, “Forget it, this is bor-ing.”  

 

How do you know you’re under-training?

  • Stagnant Results: You’re using the same weights as six months ago.  The time, level, and intensity of your cardio is the same.  Everything feels the same.  You don’t remember the last time you hit a personal best or said to yourself, “Man, that was a great workout.”
  • You’re Not Breaking A Sweat: Sweating is your body’s way of cooling down.  If you’re not exerting yourself then your body has no reason to sweat.  Everything about your workout is at a ho-hum pace.

Not Working Hard Enough+Low Heart Rate+No Sweat = NO RESULTS

  • Sleepwalking Through Your Workout: This is a lot like driving from point A to point B but not remembering how you got there.  You get to the gym and next thing you know you’re getting back in your car.  You half-heartedly pick up the weights or do your cardio routine with little or no thought.  There’s no engagement or thought going into your workout.
  • Desire To Watch “The Pauly D Project” Instead: Remember when you were excited to get to your workout?  You’d think about it at work or the night before, visualizing a personal best lift or that post-workout high.  Now you just want to go home, grab a bag of chips, and watch Pauly D instead.  Some would say this lack of interest is a sign of overtraining.  It’s a sign of under training as well.  

Is this what your workouts feel like?


How To Get Unstuck:

  • Switch Up Your Routine:  This is probably the simplest solution.  Just do something different with your routine.  Lift heavier.  Lift lighter.  Add sets.  Find some new exercises.  Do some internet research and experiment with some old school or high tech workouts.   Revamp your routine to shock your mind and body.
  • Find A New Spot:  This is something I used to do a lot.  Some of my best workouts came as a result of finding a new gym and just dropping in for a workout.  Get a guest pass or go with a friend who belongs to a different gym.  Different equipment, faces, and a new vibe are great for breaking a rut.
  • Try Something Different:  Crossfit.  Zumba.  Spinning.  Cardio Kickboxing.  MMA. Every time I go to the gym I see signs for all different kinds of classes.  It’s good to try different things.  Who knows, you might just end up adding the class to your routine. Maybe take a short break from everything you’re doing now and switch to something different altogether.
  • Competition:  When I say competition, I’m not necessarily talking about competing against other people (which is a great thing also).  What if you decided to do a century ride, marathon, half marathon, triathlon, powerlifting meet, Tough Mudder, Urban Challenge or any other type of competition?  Training for an event forces you to plan and focus with the motivation of knowing a specific day is approaching where you need to perform.
  • Revisit Your Reasons For Fitness:  Why is fitness is so important to you?  How does it tie into your values?  Does it give you the energy to be a better parent, boss, or friend?  Does it give you the confidence to go out each day and get things done?  Or does it just make you feel good to look great in your clothes?  Intrinsic motivation is a powerful tool.


What do you do to avoid undertraining?